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Forums Forums Types of Hysterectomy Abdominal Hysterectomy absolutely sick with fear

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  • #318159

    sooty
    Participant

    This is my first post here and not a very happy one so please bear with me if I come across as self obsessed and hysterical.
    My abdominal hysterectomy is scheduled for Weds 14th February – just one week away. I’m having this because of multiple fibroids which cause me a great deal of pain and flooding as well as bladder and bowel issues, awful bloating and discomfort, severe anaemia and exhaustion. I’m keeping my cervix and hopefully my ovaries too. I’m 53, dont need my uterus anymore but I am absolutely stricken with gut wrenching fear to the point where I’m thinking seriously about cancelling even though this is a private op which I have already paid a lot towards. I cant sleep any more, havent eaten for days and am really struggling – I have had mental health problems in the past but have done really well since 2005 so I am shocked to find myself going downhill so fast. There is nothing I am not frightened of – I am scared of the actual operation, the pain afterwards, the endless recovery time and of not being able to sleep comfortably. I am terrified of the horror stories I have seen on various facebook groups – posts from people who describe themselves as dead from the waist down, unable to have a normal sex life ever again, whose hair falls out, who are covered with acne, who say that their op marked the end of their life.
    Right now I look pregnant and have agonising periods but is this jumping out of the frying pan into the fire? Is it really worth going through what so many people describe as hell just for the sake of periods? I will eventually have my menopause anyway so is this really worth it?
    My surgeon listened to my worries and said only I can make the decision to go ahead or not. She said she could try shrinking the fibroids but there is no guarantee that will work as there are so many of them and I would likely be back several months down the line after all. I really have no idea what to do now, I just sit here and cry for hours on my own . I dont want to stress my kids – they are adults with their own problems going on – neither do I want to worry my elderly parents who think I am perfectly happy to go through this. My husband doesnt want to try to influence me either way.
    I’ve got to the point now where I am seriously considering ending it all so I neither have to go through the op which may destroy my life, nor go through the rest of my time with fibroid issues.
    Where the hell do I go from here? If I have the op I may regret it forever. If I don’t I may be back doing all this again later this year when I run out of patience with my fibroids. I just dont think I can do it.
    Thanks for reading x

    #318163

    Littlemrs
    Participant

    Hi @sooty, Thankyou so much for feeling brave enough to share your feelings – I am sure many many ladies on here will be able to empathise with your situation and provide some comfort to you.

    Your current fibroid related symptoms sound shocking and no doubt you have suffered for a long long time before getting to this stage and deciding on a hysterectomy.

    I too have suffered on/off flooding and anaemia for the past 16 years – and whilst I’m only 41, I feel I have explored every option possible with different operations and treatments over the years – whilst these gave me temporary relief, my symptoms always returned – and I feel I cannot suffer anymore. My abdominal hysterectomy is scheduled for 19th Feb.

    A hysterectomy does seem very final – and I don’t allow myself to believe this is the miracle cure and will solve all my problems – I sincerely hope it will solve them, but am aware that I may suffer bladder/bowel issues and possibly menopausal symptoms to deal with – but I also feel that whatever comes my way, I will deal with it and it has to be a lesser evil than what I’m suffering with right now.

    It is a huge decision to make and you must feel the date is looming fast. Shrinking the fibroids is usually a temporary treatment of Zoladex injections that put you in an early menopause – I’m on Month 4 of these injections and the best they hope for is 30% shrinkage although my period symptoms have improved. Like you say, looking at other options may well still lead you back to a hysterectomy again in the not so distant future.

    Don’t forget, some of the horror stories you have read may be from ladies who have not suffered as enormously as you prior to surgery and therefore their symptoms afterwards appear worse. You have had to deal with so much already, I cannot see how the outcome can be any worse for you.

    I don’t know if any of my ramblings have helped but hope lots of others share their thoughts and give you some much needed support.

    Sending love and hugs, Nichola x

    #318175

    karen.mail81
    Participant

    I just had a total abdominal hysterectomy a week ago – also due to fibroids with similar issues to yours. Im 36, married, no kids. Periods have been a problem pretty much since they started aged 12!
    While the recovery is frustrating and painful, I’m really glad I went through with the op. So is my consultant. He first suggested hysterectomy in November – due to a fibroid that had grown very quickly since my last scan. He said he could try remove it by itself, but there would probably be more of them and I’d be back for surgery again. So I went for hysterectomy option. When he did the op the fibroid was bigger again and he said he would have removed the womb anyway. He took womb, cervix, fallopian tubes and 1 ovary.

    Recovery from a serious operation is a long, slow and sometimes painful experience. But the forum here has helped me immensely. Join a monthly group with others having op same time as you. Read previous months too.

    I haven’t had surgery since I was a child so it was scary, but the staff and my family/friends were great. Your GP can also help with questions, etc.

    Hope you can relax soon and it’ll be over with before you know it!
    Karen

    #318176

    Marie
    Participant

    Hi sooty

    Self obsessed and hysterical doesn’t come to mind. We’re all here for you for whatever you need to voice, scream or get off your system. I’m a wreck waiting for my TAH on 6th March but the ladies on here are a great support. I speak to them more than my OH. They have the same fears but are able to out minds at rest once in the done couch. You will get through this 🙂 I promise xx

    #318178

    KatieG
    Participant

    Hi Sooty

    I agree with all the other replies here and please rest assured we ladies on this site are all in the same boat so have nothing but empathy, respect and support for each other.

    I had my TLH/BSO (ie absolutely everything taken!) on 19 Jan. My op was necessary due to pre-cancerous cells. I’ve been lucky enough to never have had any gynae problems before so it all came as a complete shock when I was told just before Christmas.

    I would definitely recommend that you keep talking to people here – in particular the February 2018 forum. They seem like an absolutely fantastic group of women – I’ve even been cheekily joining in some of their conversations and they’ve been so friendly, kind and welcoming.

    Please also feel free to reply here if you like.

    Lots of love and hugs
    Katie xxx

    #318185

    Valybobs
    Participant

    I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling. From reeading what you’ve said it seems that you can empower yourself to make a positive choice to have surgery (even though it’s bloody scary) with the outcome that you could be in a much better place physically. Whereas you know how things will be if you decide to cancel, as that is how you are just now.
    I agree with the other girls above and many others I’ve read here about the scare stories online and that’s exactly why I’ve not gone looking for any more. Look hard enough and there will be someone out there to discourage us from doing anything at all. And while your family may have their own issues you being around as their Mum will be very important to them AND to you. Please seek some help for how you are feeling, it seems likely that your OH, family, GP etc don’t realise how deeply this is affecting you.
    All the very best
    x

    #318203

    Marie
    Participant

    Hi Sooty

    How are you feeling today? I hope you’ve had a chance to read through some of the stories here. Most have made me chuckle. Whilst still mentioning the pain of recovrty, spirits have been high and humour has not diminished.

    We’re all here

    Xx

    #318240

    KatieG
    Participant

    Hello @sooty
    I’ve been thinking of you and hope you are ok.

    If you feel able, please reply to let us know how you are – although don’t worry if that seems like another stress or pressure. Mainly just wanted you to know you are not alone.

    Good luck for Wednesday. Take care.

    Katie xx

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