January 14, 2016 at 7:56 pm #13151
I am new to this site & I am glad that I have found it. It is really comforting to know that other women are experiencing similar feelings.
I’m in my late 20’s and am recently married. My husband is incredibly supportive about all that I have been through and my current state of mind.
When I was 15 I was diagnosed with Ovarian Dysgerminoma (cancerous tumour). This did get to a life threatening stage and in order to save me, I had to have a hysterectomy at 15. At the time, I was heartbroken. I then had to undergo chemotherapy, lose my hair as a teenage girl (which may seem so petty in the grand scheme of things but at the time was just incredibly tough to deal with).
I then bounced back to school after all of this, completed GCSE’s, A Levels, a degree and post-grad course and have been enjoying life ever since. I seemed to always have the next goal to focus on and being so young, I have never fully dealt with the issue.
I had a slight relapse in my feelings towards having a hysterectomy during my early 20’s. Two ex-boyfriends (ex for a reason) used my inability to have children as a reason for breaking up with me. Looking back now, we really weren’t ever going to last anyway, at the time however, it was just another low blow and another factor that made me different from everyone else.
When I met my husband, we clicked instantly. I was very up front with him about everything and he really didn’t see this as a problem as others had in the past. His response was ‘so what? This doesn’t change how I feel about you and our future.’ As previously mentioned, we are recently married, very happy and not sure what path we will take with children but at the moment, I am struggling with dealing with my hysterectomy.
I am also dealing with the ‘oh, so when will you start a family?’ comments. Again, it’s a constant reminder of what I am unable to have in what is perceived as the ‘normal’ way. Those that do know our situation have already started asking ‘so, when will you adopt?’ my stock reply is always ‘We aren’t ready’. This then gets followed with ‘You know how long it takes to adopt right?’ by some. Whilst I am sure people are trying to be friendly, something inside me wants to scream ‘Leave me alone! It is none of your business!’ I’m well aware of the implication of all of the above. We just aren’t sure where we are headed yet.
A very good friend of mine has recently fallen pregnant (the first in our group of close friends) & then suddenly it seemed like the entire universe is pregnant! I honestly couldn’t be happier for my friend and her husband and am excited about the arrival of her baby. We are in the midst of organising a baby shower and I am pleased to be included. However, the planning process of games and such things is really getting me down. I feel like it is another reminder of what has been taken from me. I have even been avoiding social media as I am finding it really difficult to cope with the many bump updates and pictures of babies. I then feel guilty for this avoidance and feel like I am being pathetic.
I am usually such a positive person who always aims to see the good in every situation. Some may see me as being ungrateful as I am alive and well- believe me; I do count my blessings each and every day. Currently, I am struggling with the hand that life dealt me. I know that time is a healer and things will get better.February 14, 2016 at 4:45 pm #283297
I’m new to these forums so have only just seen your post. I’m sorry that you posted it a month ago and haven’t yet received a reply.
I just wanted to say thanks for sharing your story. Although in some ways it is very different from mine, so much of what you say has resonance for me. I am much older than you were when you had your hysterectomy, but as a childless woman approaching a hysterectomy I can totally relate to the things you are saying that are difficult for you now, like celebrating friends’ babies and seeing certain posts on social media. Like you, I think of myself as a very positive person – and this certainly comes across in your post – but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t incredibly hard sometimes to deal with things.
I really hope that you don’t encounter people who see you as ungrateful. It actually sounds as if you have done incredibly well to manage some incredibly difficult things in your life so far. It really strikes me that these forums are full of people supporting each other through hysterectomies in their 30s, 40s and 50s, but that you had to go through this experience at an age when you can’t have had anything like that support or understanding from your peers. Perhaps you have focused so hard on coping and making the best of things since you were 15 that you need some time now to grieve and to appreciate all that you have been through. In that case, it sounds as if your decision to take your time over deciding whether or not to adopt is really sensible. I’m so glad you have a husband who understands and isn’t rushing you into anything. You have plenty of time to think about what’s right for you, and you’re right – it really isn’t anyone else’s business. Although I hope that you do have some supportive people, apart from your husband, who you can talk about things with. If it’s not easy to do this with friends, have you tried therapy of any kind?
Anyway, thanks for your honesty in sharing your experiences here. I’m sure that it will help others, just as it’s helped me.
OrlandoOctober 31, 2016 at 7:23 am #283298
Thank you for being so brave and sharing the testimony of your life. Your story is a blessing that keeps giving hope to those of us who need encouragement. Sharing your testimony causes you to heal as you bless others. You were created to do something special. God loves I you and is working in you to help broken hearts heal by sharing your love.
Stay encouraged by what He says about you sister.
Health and blessings to you!August 1, 2019 at 2:03 pm #330798
Thank you for sharing your story! I recently had a hysterectomy, and at 27, I’ve been receiving comments like, “I’m sorry” and “but you’re so young!” Even before the surgery, I was hesitant on having children, but when the decision has been taken away (I would never have been able to have kids, according to the doctor), it’s a lot different. But my concern was whether or not someone would want to marry me knowing that I can’t have kids. That’s been concerning me here a lot lately, but I am so glad to know, from your experience, that yes, while there are men out there who will say those things (and I’m sorry they did), there are better men than them out there also. And those men will love the women their dating even if they can’t have children. I’m sorry you are going through all of this. Just as I had my surgery, I found out that my friend is pregnant. It’s hard. And if you don’t want to hear the news or see the pictures, just unfollow. You don’t have to unfriend. And be honest. Explain to your friends how much it bothers you. If they are really your friends, they will respect and honor your feelings.
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